“My Awesome Gettysburg Address”

My fellow American patriots, Welcome to this historical monument and this even more historical occasion, because today your favorite President is accepting his party’s unanimous nomination to continue to lead our beloved country to even greater heights, now that we have the China virus under control.
You know, many people said that I should come to Gettysburg or Mt. Rushmore to accept the nomination. But I’ve already been to Mt. Rushmore, and I hear that someday I will be there forever, along with Abe and the other greats.

No president in history had to face what I have faced: The Russia hoax, the China virus, Fake News, Nasty Nancy and a lot of other nasty women, and now Sleepy Joe and that woman he just picked, the nasty one with the strange name that sounds a lot like ‘Camel.’

“People, Man, Woman, Camera, Television.” I’ll bet Sleepy Joe couldn’t pass that test! I dare you, Sleepy Joe!

Honest Abe made a famous speech here at Gettysburg, which my loyal aide Steven Miller read to me the other day, the one where he said “Four score and seven…” That’s how I learned that ‘score’ has another meaning than the one I’m used to.

Some people in the Democrat party or the ‘Fake News’ have criticized me for coming to what they call “Hallowed Ground” to accept your unanimous nomination, but I remind them that I am the President, and the Constitution says I can do whatever I need to do. In other words, I decide what’s hallowed and what’s not, and not some left-leaning Democrat. Get used to it, Democrats, the Commander in Chief is in charge of hallowing!

Besides, do you think that Robert E. Lee or George Washington gave a fig about fighting on “Hallowed Ground,” when they were deciding the Civil War? No, they ignored those “Please Do Not Fight on Hallowed Ground” signs and went right at it.

By the way, there were good people on both sides.

Abe spoke for just a few minutes, and I think he said the world wouldn’t remember what he said, but he was wrong because people are still talking about his Gettysburg Address. Well, this is my Gettysburg Address, your reminder that no President in history has accomplished as much as yours truly. And I promise you, that in the next four years I will remake America, so much so that you won’t even recognize it.

Onward to victory. Let’s Make America Great Again for the second time…..

John Merrow

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