Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

13 Responses to URGENT!!!

  1. Adam says:

    Dear Dr. Ayers:

    Great post.

    My reply to your letter might read,

    “Dear Mr. Paulson: Thank you for your letter. I must decline your invitation as I must to inform you that I have followed Thomas Jefferson’s and James Madison’s advice on banking and I cannot provide you with any account numbers at this time.

    I traded our worthless greenbacks imposed by the Fed for a different medium of exchange that is not only portable, but intrinsically valueable. This medium of exchange is honored both in the United States and in any foreign country. It has been a medium of exchange for thousands of years. Even Judas Iscariot, before he sold out, was wise enough to demand something intrinsically valuable, rather than the worthless Roman Denarii.

    And I assure you, I have safegaurds in place to protect myself, my family, and my children. Good Luck with your transfer. By the time it is finished, it will hardly be called wealth, but maybe a new form wall paper.

    Respectfully Yours,


    On my cubicle, I have pictures of Paulson and Bernanke side-by-side. The caption I wrote underneath it reads: “Behold, A Totalitarian Partnership. These are your leaders.” My coworkers asked for copies.

  2. Lisa says:

    Damn, you’re pretty thoughtful and funny for a manical terrorist. Just kidding Bill. Well, sorta. Insurgent? Enemy combatant? Rebel? Revolutionary? Just watched a cute little movie on the internets about you and your brethren and sistern. In case you care what I think… noble causes indeed, but still hard for me to wrap my heart around the methods. But then does that make me a chicken or a hero? You? The criminal or the patriot? I’m sooo confused. The election is over, may I please go back to sleep? Peace.

  3. Lisa says:

    Shit, I’m on their #$@%&!! list now for sure! You should post a reminder for dummies like me. You know some sorta disclaimer: WARNING: Posting to this website may cause all your internet identifications and communications to be subjected to monitoring by the United States Government. (just kidding NSA, go back to sleep too)

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