Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

13 Responses to URGENT!!!

  1. Jack Janski says:

    Hey Justie,

    Well at least Billy should “hang” for his crimes.

  2. dylanfreak says:

    Brilliant parody! I receive those spam emails all the time. This expresses the horror of the bailout precisely.

    For my own take on the bailout (two posts), please see http://dylanfreak.wordpress.com.

  3. Chris Barry says:

    Very Funny Mr. Ayers and very true.

    Sorry the Repub losers have been trading in your past notoriety to take down Obama.

    I’ve always been curious though, are you disappointed that the youth movement in this decade didn’t go ‘Weather Underground’ vis a vis the Bush Administration? Has my generation gone soft? Were the stakes just so much higher in the ’60s?

    Thanks for all of your civil work over the last twenty years and thank you for being a real American hero.

    Yours in faith.

    Chris Barry

  4. tom r says:

    This man is a piece of shit. I have seen the innocent lives he destroyed. We imposed the death penalty on Tim McVeigh. It’s not too late to impose the same punishment on this piece of sewage.

  5. bob roberts says:

    ayers you are nothing but a felon who has always needed to be put in prison and left there. how does such a looser end up a big hero?

  6. Jo Pfaff says:

    Wow, it’s hard to believe that the people writing this hate mail live in the US (assuming they do). The nasty remarks are much more cause for alarm than anything you ever did in the 60s. That was a different time, and that war has been labeled as a mistake by even those in charge back then (read: Robert McNamara). These brainless bozos who are posting this hatred on here are clearly the ones who you have dedicated your life to improving the quality of education. You tried, but clearly it’s too late for some…..

    You were/are a legend in your day. Not one person in my generation would disagree with what you tried to do.

  7. Travis says:

    Mr. Ayers

    ive just now come to know over who you are, i did some research of why you were such a hot topic with obama, and well i found out. And i disagree with everyones hate towards you, me being 20, i strongly disagree with what everyone has said about you. From everything i’ve learned about you in short period of time has shown only one negative thing in your life. You took a stand against something you didnt believe in and that makes you some kind of monster to everyone? I feel its unfair that everyone treats you like someone whos killed millions of people.

  8. David says:

    Bill, I dined with you several years ago in Detroit after an engagement you had at a local bookstore. I also teach middle school kids. I just watched an interview with a frightening congresswoman named Michelle Bachman. I want to take this oppotunity to nominate her for communications director of the Treasury Department. She speaks with such eloquent Orwellian doublespeak. She would be a fine spokeswoman for the protectors of capital. Consider it.
    Hope you are well. Would love to speak with you about education for freedom.

  9. Brock says:

    This is a pretty brilliant post.

  10. Paul says:

    But Bill, what if we bomb you?

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